Saturday 14 February 2015

4 Parenting Challenges I Wasn't Expecting!

What a week it's been! If you don't follow me on twitter you might have been wondering why it's been so quiet on the blog front. If you do follow me on twitter you will know that Rhodri & I have both been poorly and it has been  a rough week! 

Thankfully we are both on the road to recovery, but it got me thinking about the aspects of parenting I didn't expect. There are plenty of challenges, hurdles and even rewards we expect when we sign up to parenting.

Being Mamma to my gorgeous little man is without doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me. I went in to parenthood with my eyes wide open, expecting pretty much what I got. One loving little man, who is very curious and in to absolutely everything. He requires endless nappy changes, constant feeding and prefers mummy to eat & drink cold/luke warm meals. 

But there are some things I didn't expect when preparing for motherhood, things that didn't even cross my mind and yet are quite possibly the most difficult parts of parenting, in my opinion, so far! Here's a few I have encountered!

1) Loneliness. I love Rhodri to the moon and back, I can't and won't imagine life without him, but it has undeniably been the loneliest experience of my life. More so when he was a new born, the older he gets the more interactive he is. Plus with his reflux sorted it's easier to get out and socialise.

I thought, rather naively, that I would be far too busy as a new Mum to experience loneliness. How wrong was I? I went from going in to work in a office every single day and chatting away to my colleagues, to sitting at home alone with a baby that couldn't communicate other than by crying. I constantly spoke to Rhodri as I felt it helped me feel a bit less mute and alone but I definitely missed adult conversation and I especially missed getting a response of any sort.

It's incredibly difficult to go from being surrounded by people all day everyday to just being you and a baby, it was even more difficult because I felt very guilty for feeling lonely. I had this gorgeous son who I adored, how dare I feel lonely!! After conversations with other mums I realised this isn't at all unusual and I just wish I'd known to expect it so I wouldn't have given myself half the guilt trip I did!

I was incredibly lucky to have a mother who arranged for weekly coffee dates and a cousin who provided a friendly face, a listening ear, weekly playdates and the added bonus of Rhodri getting to spend time with his family which is important to me. 

2) Being ill is so much more difficult. Gone are the days where I could call in sick to housework and responsibilities, instead opting to go back to bed and rest. Good bye vegging out on the sofa, watching trash TV and waiting for my immune system to remember it has a job to do. 

Hello to the days of powering through! Dose yourself up, suck it up and get on with looking after the baby! Hope its one of those 24 hour things, if it's not then we revert to the plan of powering through. Being ill is never fun, but with an 8 month old it's virtually impossible!

3) Your baby being ill. Never crossed my mind how difficult having an ill child would be. Emotionally it is gut wrenching, heart breaking and quite possibly the most over whelming sense of uselessness I've ever experienced.

On top of them not being able to tell you what is wrong they also don't understand the concept of medicine. Holding your child down to give them antibiotics, put eye drops in their eyes and make them endure many other drops, sprays & creams is traumatic. You know they need the medicine, but don't want to traumatise them. 

You worry if you are doing the right thing for them. Should you try and get them to eat more, drink more? Should you give them any more calpol? Will the Dr think I'm a paranoid mother? Is he so ill the Dr will wonder why I didn't bring him in sooner?

Seeing Rhodri so miserable and hearing him whimper in pain while sleeping on my chest was without doubt the saddest moment of being a Mum to date. Rhodri isn't a particularly cuddly child, he likes to play and explore. But while ill he wanted cuddles galore, and how bittersweet those cuddles were!

 If you are unlucky enough for 2&3 to happen at the same time, which I experienced this week, then don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't go it alone. It is awful feeling poorly, seeing your child poorly and not really having the energy to look after your child let alone yourself.

4) Criticism. I started exploring this in 5 Things You Don't Need To Tell Pregnant Women. It really is a very tough pill to swallow when people offer their opinions or criticise your parenting. No parent wants to hear their decisions or parenting skills are wrong. But since becoming Mummy I have found myself biting my tongue as all manner of my choices have been scoffed at and questioned. It doesn't bother me as much as it did, but certainly as a new mum it was ... character building shall we say?

What are some of the unexpected hurdles you faced? What has been your toughest hurdle to date? Let me know in the comments below. As always thanks for reading xoxo





The Dad Network

12 comments:

  1. Glad to hear you're both on the mend :) I think twitter and blogging has stopped me feeling lonely but I think I do need to try to go out more too. X

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    1. Thank you! Its a relief to see him getting better! Blogging has for sure helped with the Loneliness but I think I should have gone to mother and baby groups while I had the chance... I'll be back in work soon and don't have many mummy friends. Its my only regret so far. Hope you manage to get out more, it does help :) xx

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  2. Great post and good to see that you're both back on the mend. The points are so true and valid. Loneliness is something that hit me very hard as a parent. Blogging has helped but there are still moments where it hits. Being sick or having a poorly child is just something that never struck me until it did. No words apart from horrid.
    Good post for parents plus those expecting. Thanks for linking up with us on the #bigfatlinky

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    1. Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the post! The Loneliness has been a tough one for sure. Its not an easy hurdle to over come!
      Thanks for hosting :)

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  3. Great post. Thanks for sharing it. Im glad you're both getting better. My wife has been ill all week too and it made me realise just how hard it is to look after a baby when you feel like curling up in bed for the day. Well done to you both for surfing it. A child being poorly is just awful. Try not to listen to the criticism. What suits one doesn't suit another. Do it your way and the way that suits you and yours :) Thanks for linking up #bigfatlinky

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    1. Thank you! Glad you enjoyed. Oh no! Hope your wife is feeling better soon! I ignore the criticisms now, I think you just have to have faith in yourself :)
      Thanks for hosting!

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  4. Glad you are both getting better. It's tough when you or baby aren't well, but when you are both unwell that's a whole other situation. I can really relate to the shock of criticism. Sometimes it comes from people you would least expect. Character building for sure! Parenting taught me to trust me instincts, how to bite my tongue and I've developed selective hearing as well. :)

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    1. Its always the ones you least expect! Selective hearing is on my list of skills to learn, thanks for reading and the lovely comment :)

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  5. 4! 4! 4! They're everywhere! Shockingly often from other parents who should know better! Hope Rhodri & you are feeling better xx

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    1. Haha exactly!
      We are feeling much better thank you!
      Thank you for the commen, :) xx

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  6. im a rubbish ill person i literally think I'm dying thankfully it doesn't happen often but the little people just don't understand! and the criticism I've learnt to just let it go over my head everyone has a different opinion or way of doing things doesnt mean its right do whats right for you! x

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    1. Thank you for the comment! Hoping we won't have to endure the illness scenario for a while, think I've had my share of illness now :) Thank you, I do my best to let it go over my head but certainly wasn't prepared for the criticism x

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